God punish you

 This would be the last time ill write about you...

I Don't want you to think this blog is about you. I will be damned if you glow with pride thinking a statement you made can make me “ start a podcast, open a blog, fall sick, lose sleep and stop eating “

I will fight every urge not to delete your number. I'll fight so damn hard to go hours not scrolling through your last messages. What can Joy do that I cannot!! 

I knew there were all lies. I counted them all on my fingers, 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8 bunch of lies and commitment you know nothing about. You see I've always been attracted to things that would hurt me!! Reasons why I ran to your arms neglecting all the promising young men that moved to me (at this point I doubt if there are any). 

You see the thing with me is that I think of myself as a “messiah”  or a “fixer” jokes on me though!!! How in the devil's name will I want to fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed. So when you told me your fears, I didn't only drown in it,I drank every cup of it, turned my pronouns to “US/WE” “THEY/THEM” something about breaking my rules for you!!!  I created solutions in my head, I was looking forward to seeing you, so you can lay on my lap and cry. Or still, give me a breakdown of the emotions pilling in your head, and ill dissect it till it's solved! Even if it's not completely. 

It's not like I've been faith-full. But did you know I was sneaking to sleep with a priest just to satisfy my sexual fantasies ( I'm filled with faith)? 

I have also thought of bringing the DJ back home after a lovely time at the club. But I didn't, something about not wanting “herpes” I've been rather random with the way I deal with my urges. But you? You just want to soak your big ego inside a woman with no knowledge of her attendance.  

I'm not saying God should punish you for hurting me. I'm saying that God should punish you for scattering my plans, emotions, and creativity. See how restless I am working.                

I'm saying God punish you for all the times I had to switch on notifications from you, for putting my phone on DND, for having to check my phone countless times hoping a notification comes up. 

For the streaks, for the nudes, for the listening ears, for kama-sutra, for my knowledge, my time, energy, and my WAIST!!! 

Damn you JOHN. 

Go to hell!!