Hiding in the bathroom

It not like I love the smell of the bathroom

I think by now, my colleagues will be wondering why I spend hours in the bathroom every time, sometimes after a meeting, sometimes in the middle of something important, sometimes, maybe every time.

I'm in the bathroom writing this at the moment and No! My pants are not down, I'm holding a tissue, and I'm shuffling between squeezing my nose and wiping a tear. You see, to be me looks easy and fun on Instagram. (you should check my insta-stories) so I can't even afford for you to see me in this situation. 

I want to take a break but I can't afford to. It might look like I'm just pressuring myself, but then it's not. It's what I have to do. To be 24, female, and chongai holding a managerial position at a corporate tech organization isn't something you see every day. (and I mean it! Not to brag) so asides from not failing my “feminist co”, there is my “Gen Z” organization rooting for me, and where did I keep my prestigious chongai people!! You see that's a whole lot. 

Well, I'm hiding in the bathroom today cause I'm getting it all wrong, sometimes I see my mother turning in her grave cause of these things I allow to happen.

These intriguing moments keep messing me up. Cause why was I thinking of my fuel pump in this meeting. Why am I banging my keys at the table till Abubakar calls out my name

can't even hear them properly, can they memorize it, am I to say something? I'm lost in my world thinking about how to bend my back, how to ( I'm not even obsessed). 

I'm hiding in the bathroom today because I had forgotten what to say in the middle of a heated conversation. If only Abubakar can talk to me nicely. I spent the whole night doing this, he is shouting and I'm lost! I'm wondering if it was the same task or if there are others I was meant to do, he is rambling about big plans, I swear, I have these plans too, I sleep and dream of them. There are in this excel sheet. I want to show him but my lips are sealed. I apologize and I go straight to the bathroom

I'm also hiding because my voice is tiny, my face is friendly and I Don't know how to be harsh to people. I'm looking at them doing everything wrong, I have approached these interns twice already and nobody seems to get that even though I'm their friend, they need to take me serious and get the job done. I'm pained at this 

The other day, it was a woman(I told you, women don't like women) who was staring at me dead in the eye waiting for me to fumble. Thank God, my mother doesn't forget me. I did it!!! they were impressed, but she wasn't, so she keeps going back and forth with me, till it was just us in the meeting. I lost it and I kept quiet again. I let her win. 

Today, I'm also crying because I forgot my phone charger, forgot to send a mail, forgot to carry an extra sanitary pad, left my food in the microwave, and worse still. The lip gloss poured all over my face. 

I'll hide here till my tears are wiped