Letter to Areil.

 Dear Bestfriend 

How is Lagos and your plans to Japa? Is real Madrid playing any better 😂. I'm trying so hard to be a fan of any club but Nigerians' reality keeps clouding my judgment. 

Started a blog, oh, and a podcast. Can you believe 12k people are listening to my tiny voice? Sometimes I have imposter syndrome. I feel like maybe they just search and stumble on it and they don't listen completely, I checked the statistics and it showed that they listened? I still didn't believe it when I saw the 90 countries listening to me. Probably something wrong with the backend, maybe a mistake from the App. I've received voice comments and reviews but I'm still not satisfied!!!

I got a promotion, Ariel!! Sounds so surreal, right to the moment where I was in a meeting and older people of high caliber were waiting for me to speak. I didn't believe it. I've been crying in the bathroom at work, something that has to do with my emotions. I'm hiding to cry because I Don't want anyone to see me weak!!! The fact I'm female and young! It's my contribution to making sure that this men dont laugh at my emotions and to give this girls strength that they can do it!!!

In your last letter, you asked about my love life. Please can you just give up on that? I'm gaining ways on how to make myself happy regardless of who and when or where I want to kick off the career of marriage... Please fall in love when your mental health is right. That's the least you can do for your partner 

My mum's one-year remembrance is on the 19th, I'm going to write her a letter, I'll read it out on my podcast, and I will publish it on my blog. I will allow myself to cry all the emotions I won't hold any back. I'll probably buy all the bottles of pringles, and whiskey (maybe) I'll make a playlist of her favorite songs, I'll pray and cry loudly. I won't dare claim to be strong. I'm not strong. I miss her 

I'm learning pressure. I'm learning that it doesn't have to control me. I'm accepting that once in a while I can be pressured and the way I deal with it, it's what matters. Do you feel pressured too?  Let me tell you what I do on days I feel pressured 

    I call my dad and greet him. I go to the gym, I enter the pool afterward. I come back home and de-cluster the pressure, sometimes I feel up my cup to the brim and read a book, and other times I'm scrolling through TikTok. I know you are worried. I have stopped cutting myself, I can show you proof.

I'm also growing. I get up early to make breakfast at least even if that's the only thing I eat at the end of the day. I'm still eating. I hate to cook and I'm glad I stay alone. So I make the rules 😂😂

Don't ask about my mental health again!!! You will make me panic! I'm back to therapy for the third time this year. My therapist is the sweetest, she is happy she doesn't see wounds anymore, she is happy I'm taking my medications seriously and I'm taking breaks when it's needed. Sometimes I feel we pay her too much for doing nothing. But I love that she loves me regardless of how I blunt out my emotions. How is therapy with you over there? 

I should stop here. Nepa took the light 

P.S I love my new house, and I'm obsessed with the hand shower. The pressure can easily give me  orgasms. 

Love 

Best friend.