Postinor 2

Let me tell you a story of how postinor 2 has failed me 6 times. Why are you looking at me? Do you think it's not possible for 26 years old to have aborted children 6 times? I'm laughing at you, I'm laughing at all of you thinking that abortion is still a scary thing to do. 

Yes, it's scary while doing it, but will I still go back to the same sin? Absolutely yes, sometimes I wonder why I do it, sometimes I forget the pain, sometimes I rely on the drugs, sometimes it just happens

Don't you dare judge me, I'm not a prostitute, I was just madly in love with someone and you know what happens when you are in love. My favorite thing to do was to live in his skin, drink his lips, and make my body drown so he will cum hard on me. 

Don't rush me, ill tell you how the first one felt. It happened right under my mother's roof. She must have noticed, but she has a history of keeping quiet, sometimes I wonder if I remind her so much of her past, or if she is just aware of these things that are bound to happen. 

The night I found out I was pregnant, I cried as if my life depended on it. Foolish me, or not. I was in my final year at the university, see my life depended on it. I couldn't keep a child, he didn't want a child. So he spoke to someone, and the lady called me and spoke for 15 minutes about the drugs. I will swallow one a day before, take painkillers an hour before, insert 4 then wait for the blood to flow. 

I'll tell you how it felt. It felt like my womb was betraying me, my stomach was generating strength to fight back the pain, I wanted to wail but I was right under my mother's roof. I called “Ifeanyi” to tell him about the pain, he must have been restless, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable about an activity we both did. I counted 1-100 backward, I cried, I prayed, I promised God that if he let me live, I wouldn't do it anymore ( stop laughing) I swear I meant it. Days passed and I became a shadow of myself, I was losing blood, and I wasn't sure if I still had a womb. Weeks passed and I was thankful the baby has gone. 

I can tell you how every child came with a different pain. I can't tell you how it all went, but I can tell you about the last one. I had named this child “ Joy” I didn't care about the gender, I was somewhat happy when I found out joy was living in my stomach, I was happy because I didn't think any baby will want to come to me since I had already killed 5 of them! But joy came along, she was really happy, cause she made my heart sing, she was cheerful and didn't give me a mood swing. Ifeanyi had promised that the next time I get pregnant we would keep it. I was so sure he loved me, or the idea of seeing a replica of him and me.      

Ifeanyi changed plans, and I tried to understand, I tried to manipulate him, I got angry and sad, I threatened to keep it, but who am I deceiving. As I speak now, I don't know where my dinner will come from. Should I bring a child to suffer? How wicked am I? It's sad but I understand where Ifeanyi is coming from, his mother is a women leader at deeper life Bible church, his dad is aging and he has a reputation to protect.

• So just like the 5 others. I took the drugs again, but this time like a pro, this time more painful, I threw  up so bad. I sat at the pool of my vomit and I shed tears, I held my stomach and I apologized. I began to name them one by one, to Sarah, medous, grace, charity, tiro, Samuel.  

I'm sorry...

Please Don't judge me. After all, there is a saying “ never judge a pain you haven't experienced”