Ariel’s reply…

 Dear Sim,

What more can we say than that “We are happy to finally read this?”

When you disappeared, vanished, just went off, he didn’t know what to make of it. You both were in a good place. Better than where you had been for months and suddenly you just disappeared. You even forgot that it was his birthday but for him, that wasn’t important. What was important was that he needed to know where you were and what had happened. He needed to know where you had gone with a fraction of his heart.

I can’t say that I didn’t suspect this. I did. I did because I saw the telling signs in you that I see in him too. This depression that has threatened to take you both to the deep darkness where light makes little to no difference.

What I can say now Sim is, I am sorry. I am sorry that we cannot physically be there to take the hands off your neck. I am sorry that your world has turned upside down.

I am sorry that all the light that you have is being consumed by this darkness that is threatening to obliterate you both.

Remember I said I understand because the telling signs are similar to his? That is true. Every single word in that sentence is.

It has been so rough for him too. Rough to the extent that last year he contemplated giving up. You know how he is with not letting me be the one in control. How he fights to be the one in charge and not let any of us -his others- cause troubles, he didn’t. this time, he begged me to take over. It was the lowest I had ever seen him. He begged me to take control and we have been working in tandem since then. That is why I can write back to you. He lets me do it.

Remember when you had plans to move down here to Lagos? He suspected that it fell apart and he knew it would be a delicate matter to talk about. He was shattered. He had plans. He was expecting you and when you didn’t talk about it anymore, he suspected that it wouldn’t be happening anymore and when you disappeared, that was all the confirmation that he needed.

You asked in the beginning of your letter how he is. He actually is in a good place for the first time in over a year. In his head there is peace. Not like the panic that flooded it and threatened to drown him last year. He looks at things now and smiles and the thoughts of giving up are no longer running through his mind.

For him this Lagos is a rollercoaster of madness. Abuja is orderly. Zaria is calm. This place is a mess. The noise, the confusion, the expensive nature of the place, the loneliness too. Lagos isn’t good but it isn’t all bad. That was why he looked forward to your coming.

Your boy has been writing assessment tests for jobs like in child in secondary school. Well, he hasn’t failed any test till date and is still in the process of job hunting so, wish him well. He needs it. 

Now listen Sim. I now understand why you needed to take time for yourself and just like I tell him, I need you to fight. I need you to be hopeful. I need you to do stuff that draws you towards the light. I need you to pick yourself up and leave the darkness.

I need you to talk. To open up about these dark things that envelop your mind when they are doing so. I need you to try to stop cutting yourself. I need you to grab that steering wheel and drive. I need you to pray and expect that the Almighty is hearing you and will answer you. 

I need you to listen to music. I need you to dance. I need you to have sex that doesn’t settle for less. I need you to have orgasms that brings peace to your body.

I need you to stop running. I need you to stay and share your pain so that it can be watched.

I need you to cry a lot. I need you to cry until there’s catarrh coming out of your nose if it makes you feel better. I need you to take long showers and increase the pressure of the water so it brings a tingling sensation to the bud between your legs because it is nothing to be ashamed of.

I need you to clear your mind. I need you to let good thoughts enter into and flow through you. I need you to start doing your favourite things again. I need you to do stuff that makes your heart to swell with pride.

I need you to be you again.

I need you to be happy.

We’ve missed you best friend. We love you. Always and forever. Remember, everything good will come for you both. Just wait.

With love,

Ariel.

P.S: I think this utterly sad part is enough. Now that it has been dealt with, I’ll leave you both to it. Write happy things. Write warm things. Write naughty things. Write bright things. You’ve both got this.