SPELL.

I didn't know what I was doing. I was in a movie scene in a movie I was directing. In a familiar song whose lyrics I didn't know. I was telling a lie in a tale that ends with forgetting it..

Let me tell you how it started…

We met on the night of my passing out parade(POP), I was happy to have ended that rough chapter in my life, I wanted to get loosed, I planned to drink in every bar, I planned to drink to forget you, to forget pain, to have a break on life. He was my best bet, the shorts made him stand out, and he drove a black Benz.Ariel we have trekked too much in our lives for you to want me end up with any man that treks like you. 

I shouldn’t let my generational poverty stop me from reaching to the stars, should I? 

I did it for myself, so I can tell Rachael that I too, has been with a man who drives a Benz, who has a house with air conditioners, so she knows that we carry the same grace, if not more,Ariel, he even bought me chicken republic rice, can Rachel boast of that ? and had his AC on throughout the drive to my ghetto. that day I wasn’t sure if he will come back, I don’t know if I wanted him to come back. 

The sex reminded me of too much cars parked in a place, or too much dirt, too many students waiting in line to collect admission letter, pushing, pulling, it was clumsy, I didn’t feel him enter the first time, I was embarrassed to ask, so I moaned and he said “ it’s sweet right”… I counted to 100 backwards and upwards, i laid down still, I’ll try to close my legs sometimes, but he will whisper “ open those legs for me baby” I found it funny, but nobody has slept with me under an air conditioner, nobody has asked if I was hungry after sex, offered me where to bath, or even try to cuddle…

They say, northerners can’t speak properly English, Ariel have you heard Peter speak? ,  you can tell he is trying hard, “ wanna” “lirru” “gonna” I find it so offensive, I want to correct him, but asides the #100 that is mostly in my pocket meant for vex money, I don’t have a dime, who am I deceiving? The #100 will just get me out of his estate. I’ll trek the next kilometers alone. There was nothing attractive about his accent or his voice. There was nothing about him, he was just a man wondering and finding himself in my bosoms. 

Sometimes his lovemaking felt like gunshots, in seconds it’s done, sometimes it’s slow like my cooking,I know he is thinking about her while he thrust, I know this because I’m also thinking of you, I love his slow days, I don’t get any bruises, he doesn’t cum either.  But I’m comforted with that. 

After 10 months, things changed, he no longer calls me to know my whereabouts, he just appears, his gateman knew me, few of his friends knew me, I wear his shirt in the mornings to do the dishes and fry us eggs while we take breakfast, sometimes it’s cereal, or oatmeal, he now shares his dry jokes and repetitive stories of his homeland and relatives, he kisses me randomly and slaps my ass… i don’t know what normal is, but it was normal.

He began to speak less and less of her, I hardly saw her calls and he has removed her from his screen saver, he included me in future plans, like “ we could go here this Christmas” , it was weird and I got scared, and frightened, frightened in a bad way, I didn’t know his plans, but I’m sure that he doesn’t know me, what does he know asides how wet and juicy I am, how I know how to bend my waist to receive him, how I moan loudly trying to bring the roof down, or how I know the appropriate salt to put, sugar to stir and love to give.

What do I also know about him, asides the house and the cars and the businesses he owns?  The dry jokes and his friends, his small manhood and his audacity? 

I know what you will say, I should be lucky, and thankful, a small girl like me from a small village should be thankful. In a million years again, I won’t have this luck when I get back to my village. I know this things. 

But this is what I plan to do tonight, I’ll warm his bed, I’ll lie still, I will open my legs wide when he says I should, I’ll speak my loud incantations that raises the roof and one after the other, I’ll remove my spell and return them back to my father. 

I don’t need him. I need you still.