Menstruation.

My period comes with a lot: a shiny, heavy pimple placed in the middle of my forehead; a lumpy, thick, sexy and tender breast; a round face; and a depressing smile.

Sometimes it comes with this nasty, excruciating pain, but most importantly, it comes with boys hovering around my neck. Every man comes with lyrics sweet enough for me to make him stay; they come in different shapes, pockets, and sizes.

Maybe it’s the depression or the aura. But my grandmother said I have a strong chi, which makes these boys think too highly of me during these periods; it makes them promise me their heavens on earth, adore, worship, and kiss my feet. It feels good, I won’t lie.

Sometimes I entertain many, only to keep them at a distance when I’m done using my scale of preference. Today it will be Tunde, tomorrow Jeynom, and the day after Jonathan. Whoever is lucky gets lucky enough to hear me whine and cry about how much my life would be better if my mother was alive, how I was the hottest person in school, and most importantly, how I have the knowledge of using my waist both on the dance floor and in bed.

My period builds anticipation; I say so much, so much more than I can ever say; I become understanding; I go out of my way to create solutions; you see, you can’t blame them. Who wouldn’t leave his low-budget girlfriend for someone who is as educated, has full potential, makes dry jokes, and can save them on rainy days?

It goes really well, the jokes keeps getting funnier, frequent calls,unending messages, and wishes, I have climbed different horses too. It feels too good, like it would never stop. 

And on days when the blood drops uncomfortably, sometimes in a pad, other days in the toilet seat, or embarrassingly on my cloth, these men protect me, listen, and apologise for the pain and the way my mood swings. Some take care of me; others wish they could.

After the blood is gone, like water, they all leave. And this is the part where I don’t get to tell my friends; they see them call my phone all day, knocking on my door, banging, and begging me to answer. How am I supposed to come back and tell them that these same men leave every time?

This is also when they tell me they aren’t built for a relationship and how I deserve so much better than them, or how they have a career ahead of them and how they will take care of me if they don’t have it covered. Some of them just switch up, ignore my calls, and move on, but every time my period leaves, they leave too.

Tomorrow my bleeding starts, and in 7 days, the man I choose over these men will leave me too.